Am I Even Good?

In a couple of hours, I’ll be shooting my next short film. The actors are ready. Location is ready. My crew is ready. And we have a feel of what we want to shoot. Obviously, I have a shooting list and schedule in place. I’m just running around getting all the props together. Last minute stuff. Something I need to get better at. But I still feel nervous. Afraid maybe. Is it that resistance people speak of when reading the book War of Art. I wouldn’t know. I haven’t read it yet. It’s up for reading this upcoming year. Seriously, though. A million thoughts are running through my head. And not good ones. Should I cancel? Reschedule? Is someone going to cancel on me? Should I even shoot this? Does this even make sense? Am I really that good?

“For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you.”

I guess it’s that gap Ira Glass talks about [watch the video]. Between what I can do and my taste. The film hasn’t even been shot or edited and I’m already jumping to conclusions. Now, I’m walking. For months, I’ve been writing about visual storytelling, now it’s time to put in to action. No more talk. And this is the trap a lot of people fall in to. They sound the bull horn, “I’m X, and Do Y,” but fail to be or do any. Not me. So I fight my doubts and fears. Tomorrow will be good. Things will turn out great. Another badge called experience is waiting for me. 

I still hate the feeling though.

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