Time To Get Serious

I’m upset at myself. Sometimes, I sit here thinking of how much of a faker I am. I hate it. I’ve been so romantic about my brand. I tooted so loud of what I wanted to do but showed very little work for it. How I know? I measured my accomplishments and I feel dissatisfied.

I feel betrayed. I feel like a hypocrite. A liar more than anything.

I claimed of having passion for personal growth but barely practiced it myself.  I hid behind the creative labels but created little.

All of this has turned in to a burden.

It’s silly to think of how important this blog is to me. Numerous of times I felt of just hitting the delete button to just re-focus again. Should I?

Last blog post, I wrote how I don’t know where this blog is going.  The post finished a bit uplifting.  But days later, I felt that feeling again — that I’m doing something wrong.

My attention is divided. I’m not being the essentialist I want to be. I’m overwhelmed.

All I can think of is wanting to be raw. I want to make more mistakes than ever. I want to fail hard. I want to punch fear, hypocrisy, procrastination, and pride in the face.

I can go on forever. I can rant all day. I feel the pressure and demand in myself to figure this out NOW.

I need to get serious.

 

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